Behind the scene.

Finally, I'm seriously out of my own mind.
I can't hold it that much anymore.
Laughing.
Joking.
Studying.
Trying to be in the gang.
Har! I'm not that brilliant actually.
I asked myself once.
Why am I in this class? Why I'm not in Sc4?
I asked myself again in that night.
I felt so tension. I'm stressed actually.
I can't hold my tears in that night.
So, I cried it out quietly alone in the night.

I tried my best to study the most I could.
I was expecting mt result would be that good for me to get in to the TOP20.
however, I'm wrong.
I'm only in 35.
hahahaha... What a real sarcasm to me.
The 1st time I got my 6A among these 11 subjects.
I'm totally mad...
I'm wondering what wrong's with me.
Why are they so fantastic?
Why I just can't get the same result like them?
I knew I disappointed my parents again.
I just can't get the best in their heart.
They didn't expect to see this kind of result.
I'm not that clever compare to my sister & brother.
I was thinking...
As if i'm at Sc4 , maybe me i'm in the top10 now.
I'm mad.

please told me everything was not bad to me.
I'm trying to get into the LMS team but I lost.
I was deeply hurt with that when I knew that i'm not qualified for that.
Why?
I'm just not in the target.
ya.
So? I'm just lost in one event.
Others, I still can be leading.
Why?
Now, I'm just like nothing.
I just hoping that i could get into the game.
The best I tried, but I had lost.
hmmm?
no, no one knew all these.
It's only a secret in my heart.
No one that I could face and told out.
I hope there is but no one will be.
I never wanted one of them to knew it and sad for that except they had knew that much and asked.
The moment you being alone, you'll never what had happen =)