Why so complicated??

1st thing that I'm going to talk about is facilitators of GenY camp.
hmmmm...
What actually will a person feel is happy, glad & excited...
Yea, I'm so glad to be the faci of camp again =D
I'm going camp again !
yea, that's what I want...
the things that I had been waiting for 3 months alike 3 years.[ sounds like i'm old]

Camp feel is here, full of spirit.
For real, I can't wait to go until the camp site and mad with campers.
However, these 3 days let me feel happy & sad together.
I'm sad... why?
I feel that i'm being ignore by faci team.
I can't get into their title.
I can't know what they talking about.
They don't really need me?
I don't know.
I feel myself can't talk to those senior in group.
What the real reason actually?
I'm annoy?
Don't ask me. I may feel that too.
I just don't know what to do.
I'm tpg only faci now.
so, how??
what to do? I'm not that good as other.

They get a good relation to Mabel.
I just feel that I'm nearly to kick out from there.
So, who know ?
I'm just afraid of this to happen.
Just smtg more to say.(all is just my mind after i think)
P.tong _ You know what? Suddenly, I feel that you've change a lot. You change to not bother some of us. I felt that during camp. Do you know that? I still know that we Didn't talk to each other for more than 3 sentences during camp... I don't know what make me remember this so deeply in my heart. I just can't accept it. What had I did wrong actually? If i'm wrong, can you tell me?

2nd, smtg that really not that much for me but still let me feel so angry...
Boy, if you don't love her then don't tell her those sweet & love words.
Those words will hurt her and left scars with her forever.

you know what? You only know you are good enough to her.
You think those things that you do out of her sight is just nobody know.
hahaha! You're wrong exactly! you just let her know too much.
What you write as your text msg sent to her, girl can feel that.
Girl sense is always that strong.
do you know what is exactly in her??
She feel that she is the 3rd person in this relationship so strong!!!!
You know why?! Cause those things that you did to her.
What she want , just your accompany, some trust.
She trust you a lot.
Sometimes, she know you lie her but what to do?!
She just don't want to tell out and get each other further so she just trust it ....
Why you never appreciate when you have?

3rd, K.yeng...
Jie, you noe what?
I don't know what reason make me to take you for so important =X
You make me to do so.
To be honest, I worry you every time.
I don't know what will happen next.
I wait your text msg everyday. What to do?
 I just feel to make you happy everyday.
you know what? Remember that day after eating at stadium.
Remember what you text and say to me =]
You say that you miss me when I'm not texting you during camp.
hmmm...

 I'm so happy that time. I suddenly feel to go and hug you tightly & give you a kiss.
Btw, this will never happen between us although how close we are, right? hahah!
4sss <3

4th, I'm tpg ? so what?!
I knew I'm tpg! that's why I couldn't go Ipoh everytime.
I can't go for gathering. I can't meetup whenever you guys hang out.
I can't go hike with you all. I can't yum cha with you all.
And this the reason that made me to lost connection with you all??
And it make us have a long distance? =C
I just don't want all this to happen but what to do actually?
I can't do anything....
how?
I'm just so stupid sometimes. I feel so tension to everything.
I can't know what you all talking about somewhere else since i'm tpg.
I can't ask you all to talk about tpg famous places too.
I'm just duno what to talk.
Tpg and Ipoh are totally difference style.
Even though talk.
='X
tears...

5th, You noe what I mentioned there...
you will feel hurt when you started to read it.
btw, sorry.
To be honest, really sorry.
That's what I feel. I just don't want to lie.
I sincerely hope that you can accept it.
Trust me if you think it's ok.
If you doubt, just ask me =]
I just don't want you to suspect me kay? =)
Just promise me :]
Take care yourself nicely.
I'm going to buy a lot of food to put at your house for preventing tou GASTRIC HAPPEN!!!!
RAWR!!!!!
9 . '2'5''24.''1
See, I still remember =3
Vanila =P

I am wrong one. =']

Who know what happen next.
Who know what in my heart.
Who know what to heal.
Who know what do i feel when i 1st read the status.
Who know what i really wan to tell.
Who know what i care deeply.
Who can help me to complete.

Everything is just come with a sudden.
Friend? A truth friend which can really hear me.
No. There is no one for me now.
Who do really accompany me when i need the most?
Don't always say you are trying to be.
When the time i want to go to your there, you say NO PLEASE.
Whatever you dun like, you hate, did you tell me?? NO
Every time, who you tell the most? Ask yourself ba.
Not only you will jealous, I'm human too pls.
The picture will cause that then how about those pic in your phone.
Haha. I do jealous yet i can take it as nothing because i noe who is the most for me.
However, you take the picture as so serious until tears. OK, i get it.
Yet, the only something i wish to say to someone, it get you to mad and lie me.
Hide it from me and told to your bestie.
En. I get it.
Give me time.
I feel i'm so stupid now.
Don't say i'm not.
Don't say i didn't hurt you. I admit i did.
Don't say i always care others most.
Don't say anything to me from now.
I know I never understand you the most.
I know what you say that day when i keep quiet in school.
I still rmb it, i still can feel the pain in my heart.
So, fuck me off if you feel to.
I will pissed myself away =]

Just let me tell out, i don't mind you to jealous.

It's only what i want to say here？ MAYBE
I never demand you anything.

I just need a msg from you and let me noe your fine & ntg.
However, every time you answer me the same things.
I hate that answer.
Did you forget the things that you learn during camp??
ATTITUDE.
this is what you should have right?
Please. Don't waste my effort that i bring you to there .
Be The One Who I Know.
And so, let yourself to be open minded but rational.
Don't disappoint me.
you never know how mad i am when the moment i din receive your msg after i sent so much.
Sometimes' I hate you too.
I admit this.
but somehow, i couldn't because i know you need me to put myself into your shoes.
It's doesn't that hard to let you forget me anymore. =]
Almost one year that we go to our own life.
See... how good you are now. =]

Your short text can make me to forget to worry you, so pls reply me every time=]
no matter how much i say, Mr.Ace still the 1st choice of you =]
Be sure yourself are still there.
I don't know what to say more. =]
To be continue....

I'm not one of them

It's time to let me know i'm not the ONE.
This two days i feel so because i get such respond for them.
I don't know what had i truly did wrong yet my heart is so pain.
I don't like this kind of feelings.
It's so bad.
I'm just start to feel everything is rejecting me. =(

28/NOV

Sometimes, i really don't know who i am at here.
Do you know what did i feel the moment you scolded me so loud?

Do you know what inside my heart?
My heart just like shrink and expand like going to burst.
It is so hurt when the moment i hear all that.
Why do you say that to me?
Am I so useless?
Am I so inability?
All in my brain now are with question mark not a full stop.
I just admit that I'm not that good as them.
I admit this.
Whatever I did from don't know when, I started feel that ALL are WRONG.
I don't even feel that my presence is a RIGHT.
I just hope that i could leave here that day, mummy.
When you say that i'm so helpless at home & shop,
did you know what are my feelings?
I'm just slept for 12 hours after two day not having any dreams and you shot me like that.
I'm just didn't wake to hang those clothes for one day.
I'm just stay at home & not going out to shop work.
So, this is what should i get?
Fine. you already said, I just accept it.

29/NOV

Heart break.
I'm absolutely a stupid idiot boy?
I admit I didn't know how to do it?
It's the 1st time kay?
It's not like you.
I'm not a fast learner I know.
But pratice make perfect.
However, I never do smtg good.
I understand that.
In your heart, I never win you.
I hate the way you scold me.
I hate the way you used to.
You never empathy .
I'm just so sad
your hair colour, I don't know.
I'm just try to help you.

My mood is max to the negative. =C
Mummy Daddy,
please let me change school.
Let me be more independence.=,]

*Trust*

Everytimes, anything happen between everyone.

trust again?
It's cause a lot problem.

To: the group of brother that always find me last time.
Between us, I don't know how much can we trust each other anymore.
Since, the day after athletic camp.
I feel rejected from you all.
I don't even know when should i appear between you all.
I just know you all will keep quiet when I came near the groups.

It's so hurt and pain.
you know feel that before too.
What do you feel if everytime you get this situation?

Rui, Sheng.
This is the end of us ?

I hope it is not but i feel that you two doesn't want me to join you two.
I feel that i'm just not brother of you two anymore.
two of you are the most friend of me when I'm in athletic.
The 1st friend of me in athletic is you, Sheng.
Now you choose to leave and i have to be facing everything alone.
You are the one who bring me in and now you left me thr.
You hate me? pls do tell me. xC
Rui, remember the day we met when form 2?
we met each and start battle dance until become same team and perform at the same stage.
How much you did in your dance and athletic??
I knew it. I appreciate it.
the moment we dancing together and satire each other high jump.
The moment I love the most.
But why,
now, we are just having distance.
It's further and further.
I just feel you dwn me as your brother anymore.

it's so hurt now.
x(

Shin,
who i am for you?

at school, you acting or truthly treat me with heart?
I doubt that. Do you know?
It doesn't let me feel good when I'm having suspect to someone.
I don't want to be a tool.
I hope to help you but not being a tool that neither here nor not.
when sms, you starting more cold to me now.
with other like Wong, him or other else.
You never forget to reply.
Did I say wrong this?

Maybe , the moment you read finish this.
you having anger now.
Maybe, I had say smtg wrong too.
Then, very sorry.
Everything I wrote is what I feel when facing you.
Everything 100% is wat i feel and let me feel so.
maybe it will lead to the end point of us.
Think about how you will feel when you facing same thing with me =']

TRUST
=C

BETRAY? DISTANCE? LIE?
I'm hurt xC

专心恋爱

我精神饱满 有一点紧张

你特别穿上我送的衬衫

为何你还在左顾右盼

话还来不及说完就遗忘

走在大街上 紧抓你手掌

竟然走散了 自己到处晃

电影才刚开场你说想

我陪你打电玩

我给的爱 比电影还精彩

你要好好善待 仔细听每句对白

我的爱 不是一个意外

你要随身携带 你不要就拿回来

我给的爱 比富翁还慷慨

请挥霍得痛快 把幸福都买回来

我的爱 只为你而存在

你别不理不睬给我 专心的恋爱

我会很勇敢 也会很心软

身骑白马的公主 偶尔会落难

如果你敢趁机偷懒

幸福不及格就给你好看

夜半的星光 我电话拜访

睡不着要你 哄我入梦乡

顺道明天约好吃饭

结果空等到傍晚

别再走开。。。

I'm trying to tell everyone I'm growth =]

Actually,
this few weeks I'm trying to let myself control every situation.
I don't mean to be rude to anyone.

I'm just trying to let it go every thing as usual.

To let everyone believe me,

I know i had to be better than last.

I try to endure everything that I can't endure.

Actually,

It seems like acting, right?

yuppy~ It is.

But,

attitude come 1st.

I have to change myself to be strong.

No one know how much you do when you trying to growth.

No one know how much had gone when you trying to pretend.

Endure can be a such good things.

but is has limit.

By the way,

letting go, it help me to release all my wound.

I cry to heal my wound.

How much tears in this month.

Not more than 4 times, I cry.

hahaha~

Actually, maybe I can say I'm stupid.

I'm not that good for her but he is that best for her xD

Don't know...She looked so happy & feel joy everyday.

As long as she not suffer as we together last time then it's okay for her in everything x)

Oh ya~

Girl, as you know every human being will drink vinegar.

So, just don't treat me as good as you wish to.

It may occurs a lot of impossible things to be possible.

Everyone got feelings and the other reason is I'm your X before.

So, just let your wall build back x')

Next, next,next!! xD

To growth,

how much i done??

Don't know~

How much my friends know??

No at all +_+

Nothing special for them, that's just my life.

Maybe,

I should let myself to lead xD

Time to study hard for the coming test.

Time to beat down you all.

Time to shine my result out now. xD

Hope the "F"eilou won't find me ba xP

To growth, learn to forgive xD