真心.

真心是什么？
它不谈认识的时间长短。
它不谈付出的多还是少。
它不谈两人明白的多少。

真心，只有一味的拿出对的感觉为了你觉得值得你这么做的而做。
付出得多并不代表获得也多。
相信了终究还是相信了。
宁可自己相信也不想再猜疑真相在哪里。
真相不给理由，不给机会。
为什么要在被欺骗，被隐瞒时不停地问？
兜兜转转到最后苦的是自己，值得吗？
让自己当傻瓜吧 =)

我是傻瓜 =D
记得，
不计较。
不多心。
不多问。
不妒忌。
不想像。
不隐瞒。
快乐最重要。

傻瓜~ <3 p="">付出真心久了，会累。
真心被无视了，会伤。
真心不断呐喊，会痛。
看着真心走远，是时候放手了。
傻瓜，休息啦 =）

It's a hard wall :)

When you know that you're in but it's actually out....
It's about how they get u in but now how you face it.
Actually you're physically in but mentally you're out!
You know that is no longer a place for you to get in anymore.
See. How much you did?
You pay in 100 but you won't totally get back.
How to breakthroughs amd get in?
Human oh human.
Thank you guys.
At least I know which group belongs me :')
Thank you so much.
Trying very hard to join in but know nothing about any single thing.
Trying hard to talk with them but being ignore from time to time.
How am i? I'm fine actually. It's only heart bleeding and pain.
Telling anyone here? Maybe, no. Who to trust here?
It's hard to face like origin.
In here, there is no real, trust and bonding.
By the way, thank you :')
Hurt doesn't mean everything but you know something changing.

The lousy one...

So, as usual we went to class and everything.
and it comes to group assignment.
Why so tired about that?
nope. I'm not anymore cause i'm lousy one.You never knew how strong you are until you being kicked out of list from the group of people that you always trust.
And yea, it's happen to me for sure.
So, it is about numbers of this happening to me in this semester.
Okay. As common, you all will tell me that :" You are good enough to handle this."
So, what can i respond further ?
Accept and Do. No one letting you down =)
They just letting you go, go out of the list of the range they trust you.
Yes. I know I don't have the leadership skill that you all follow.
I know I don't have the power to voice out.
I know I am not the one who always being that hardworking.
I know I am not the one who always being that 'shine'.
So, who am I? o.O?
Ok. Fine =)
This is reality. Accept.

Life is reality.

Once a group of 500 people were attending a seminar. Suddenly the speaker stopped and decided to do a group activity. He started giving each person a balloon. Each person was then asked to write their name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

The people were then let into that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written on it within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with each other, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.

At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.
Then, the speaker asked each person to randomly collect a balloon and give it to the person whose name was written on it. Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

The speaker then began, "This is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness; you will get your own happiness. And this is the purpose of human life...the pursuit of happiness."

MIXED

Nothing can describe the mixed feeling. It doesn't mean anything but it related to a lot of thing.
What make things become this? The girl? The lie? The sincere? The hide? The trust?
What between you all? Where is the brotherhood of man? Where is the friendship?

Things just came in so sudden and it knock me down.

Why? What's the problem now?

What is this? Anti? boycott?

The sudden change of point became an issue that involve a lot of people inside.
Why do you need to get in others into the issue?
Why do you want to hide the truth that you think inside your heart?
That is what you all really want to be?
and now, the thing go round by round and stop at the "standing up" part.
No one want to step the first step. So, that's the end?

Out of the sudden, I felt stressed in this semester. A lot of work coming in and a lot of stuff coming soon.

I don't know what can I do to be better. I don't know how to communicate with the juniors.

I don't know where to start. I don't know where to go.

It's like go into a map and run no where then Where is the end?

I admit that I knew the girl but I'm not falling in love with her.
I chat with her is for the purpose of friend or either to more further like low, tiffany or fong but not relationship.

No doubt, the girl is pretty so? 

What Su Yinn did is much more than others =)

She is always the one who more understand me than others. To replace her? No way =)

No matter what, I always try to hold everything up and be better.

Other than stuff I mentioned, there is still something that inside but I still can't get through it. HATE this feeling !!!!

Feel VS Think

What will come first?

Feel or think?
How do you feel?

How do you think?
What do you feel?

What do you think?
Which is the best question to ask? =)

Love is blind. Yup. Love is crazy.

Love is giving and gaining. Love isn't mean to be temporarily occupy.

Love is a feeling or a thinking?
Love is feel or you think what you feel?
Love is what in your heart?
This is what you really think of?
Girl, be sincere to yourself. Which way are you going to be.
You going to ignore him clearly or you still want him?
Ignore him once, twice and so on yet don't want to let him go so you occupy him. You think of him and miss him?

Want him so badly but keep on wondering and wondering until no answer so you drag up the time then ended up with mess?

=)
So, this is what you really think or you really feel?

Come on. Be sincere to yourself. Now, use one of your hands cover on your heart then the other one cover your eyes.

Ask yourself:

What do you want now?

What really mean to you now?

What is your FINAL answer?

What do you feel now?

Feel what you feel in your heart but not your mind.
Don't think what you feel now, feel what you feel now.
Be sincere. Be nice. Be good. Being no regret.

I knew you won't told me the real story of whole process but you will told someone.

However, I try to know and help yet I'm just too busybody =)

Whatever is it. You are not belong to me.

I won't occupy you anymore. I got no right to do that.

I shouldn't manage your life. I shouldn't disturb your life.

I am not. Nope. I shouldn't be =)

Hopefully I'll do what I say =)

Girl, all the best. =)

Yes, I'm saying that. =')

Recently, I don't feel good with people surrounding me even the one whom I believe in too.
I don't know why it come out so suddenly yet it's real. Seriously, I don't like this kind of feeling but I felt it quite a time in this period of time.
It's didn't seem to  be good at all but it is hurt and pain inside the heart.
I started to protect myself from being "attack" by people. I started to use Defense mechanism in the terms of psychology. I escape people's question. I stop socialising with people much. I stop giving opinion.
I knew that wasn't me anymore but I don't know where to start off for being the ORIGINAL me.
I only knew that it's hurt when I'm listening what people around me said and looking at what they did.
Is that possible to be me?
I don't know but from the actions and words... Sorry, I gotta say I felt in deeply in my heart.
Things happen for reason. Words stay in mind. Cut in the heart.
Hopefully i'm not but I might admit that I am. =')

If you say NO then please refute me one by one under the situation.

1. I don't know what means by your "brother" but i knew who you take it as brother deeply in heart sincerely. I don't said it out because both of you are too close to each other. Both of you can be said to that having activities everyday. I don't dare to said because I knew I got no power to manage your life. I'm being forgotten quite a lot of times because I'm no longer close. I'm no longer joining you all? Or I just can said I'm no longer the LEADER of the class anymore and that's the reason? Yea, I admit that i'm not a good athlete in any field of I played. I'm not a good runner, jumper, thrower, basketballer and even badminton player. I'm nothing as jade of all trade. I feel to join in but i'm not same like a people that having partner at HERE to accompany. Wrong timing or different relation? I not dare to conclude anything. I just want to know who am I in you two heart? sincerely what? I don't like the feeling that being ignore and knew nothing at all like an idiot there and others knew. It's doesn't make me feel good kay? I'm like a stone on the road being step on. It is so helpless and useless there. Maybe you two gossip me before too but i didn't knew. Yea, sometimes i'm really annoying but I just try to help you two to be on time and not messing things. I failed =') I being said I'm too rushing. ok, fine~
2. In your eyes, I'm not a gentleman. Yea, you told me in another way round. I wasn't that good and nice. In yours words to me, it is different compare to others. Even the respond to me is also different with others. I don't demanding much but a simple respond as normal but ended up u scold me like hell somehow. So? Yea, you're elder. I'm younger. I' m not that good even in sports and so i'm wrong. Maybe, I should said that we don't have the same frequency even sport so it made us to be so. Sorry that I let you pissed of so much time even a small thing. =') Sorry. I knew I mess u up quite a numbers of time. You don't even like me to talking with u and answering. Whatever I said is equal to scold you. Yea. This is what I feel. However, you dare to say that NO, you didn't feel that in the moment? =')
3. Trust is like an eraser. Keep on decreasing but no adding even good things start to happen. We only move forward but no backward. It is like we're only going for tomorrow but not going yesterday anymore. Trust need to be gain but once it crash. Oops, sorry. It is hard to build up =')
   I trusted u before but u put me in like a fool. I don't even know what you really think now. Wrong title between us. We're no longer that kind of friendship. Who's know? haha.... Yea, I'm not the most important to you. That's why I stop myself from being that demanding of you all anymore. Walking alone. Settle things alone. Eating alone. Yup, I did a lot of stuff alone since that moment. So, what? I got no that right to control your life. You are who you are and I am who I am. So, this is me. If friendship between us meant by you is empathing and sympathing me. Sorry, I don't need that because start off from the very start is not this. We got a lot title and we don't need those bullshit stuff to start off the chat title. Nowadays, you got your own written story keeping inside heart wondering to tell or nay. Okay~Fine. I always know that i'm not the one even for one things. This is why I don't go in the problem that you face so deeply anymore. We aren't the best within anyone you knew. You chat so happily with them even things go wrong. So, what for I'm there? hahaha. 

 Maybe, I over sensitive but this is what I do really feel. If things never happrn like this, i'll never being like this. I'm scared of you all. You all are horrible. Two ways going. Sometimes treat me good and suddenly change into another within hours. Sorry, I'm not a good people. I'm tired to all of these. It's tired and hurt when I need to hold all of these along and not burst out in front of you all. And this is what I call "DISTANCE." Yes, I'm saying that. =)

selfishness?

Human are real. Human are truth.
Human either right or wrong.

No one knows what happen next.
Everyone have their own feelings and yea, I am.
Somehow, I refuse myself to feel that.
I don't even wanna feel that (sad, hurt and angry)
what for to do that? Like what people around me keep on reminding "neither you are happy nor not, you still have to live."
Okay. So, I try to make it myself think things positively =)

Human easily get tempered and tension when things come in a sudden and a lot.
Without doubt, i am one of them. Yet, there is no excuses to reject things that you need to finish.
Works given to you, it is your jobs.
Things for team and not for individual.
You can reject the things that I tell you.
However, think it nicely. You are the one who in-charge the subject. So, not your job?
Fine. SELFISHNESS came now.
And so, this call weakness of human.
I am tired of repeating these things to you all.
It never be the things that you all feel important to do.
So, what for to keep you all alert about these?
I live for myself, YOLO. =']
That's the only way u all can be more happy without those reminding thinggy ...
(Y)
No one love people to keep on long-winded around. It's annoying, right?
Same here. So, it never be the thing happen again to you all, okay?/ =)
I'm annoy....Thank you to you all for being so nice and endure me....
and so don't say that i'm selfish when i didn't remind anymore.......

When I Grew Up

Life is your road.
when you fall down, you'll hurt.
you gotta learn to handle it yourself heal it yourself.
Everyone is the same. That's why we growth. =)
No one stay tune in the same.
everyone go through different situation with different background.
It doesn't means who go through the most yet who learn the most.
No one will prepare things for you.
Come on. It's time to be mature and learn things yourself.
You never know how far you can go.
You never know how strong you can stay.
You never know how things come along..
Learn to face while growing.
Growth does not mean changed. Growth means learning things.
Time changed. Yet, we didn't change but growth to a next level -- mature =)
Sorry, if i'm not mature enough in all your eyes.

Who knew? =)

Okay. It's been a month that I didn't post anything here.
Well. No matter what is written here. I just wish that everything gotta be alright. =)

Things happen for reason. Things go on for something.

Hmmmm....
Read something and listened something recently.
Learned something new.
Oh yeah. Don't complain. 

Never complain to anyone else about that anymore.
So, i wrote it here.
So, i learn to look the good side of things no matter what situation i am in.

Further more, i'm not the head of the group so I will not take the decision of the whole group.
I learn to let go the position of deciding. It doesn't mean that i'm not doing things as a assistant.
I'm just leave the chance to let him handle something as a leader.
I tried the feeling before so i'll do things for class when there is a real need. Some how, I knew the assignment week is going on. Everyone will be busying like hell. No one want to get MAD like a bull. So, I just did things for class individually sometimes.
Re-called back. How I did as a leader? Hahaha...
Maybe some people will said I'm tension because I put everything on myself. Some people might said just because I didn't know how to arrange work properly.
By the way, how is he doing now?
Ganti kuliah? He settle with lecture? He called himself? He told everyone?
Count kuliah himself? Reach class earlier than others?
Handle class with care? Always use english/malay to communicate when announce smtg needed?
FINE. I DON'T MIND.
Look back to the PRO.
Yup, everyone live happily now.
Everyone relax now.
No one get angry.

No one get scold.

No one hate him.

No one will scared.
Things seperate properly? Well, for them maybe is yes. For me, nope =)
Sorry, that I can't stand on your side.
Remember, kuliah is important to everyone for sitting exam.

So, I just want to make sure that is correct always.

No one knows what happen next.
No one knows what going next.
No one knows what reaching next.
No one knows what coming next.


As usual, Happy OR Not.
You'll still needa to live.
You'll still needa pass the day.
Why don't just smile?
I should have left out the worries.
Sorry for my rudeness sometimes because i think that is unnecessary question to ask.
Sometimes, that just too common to repeating the things.
everyone here no longer KIDS anymore.
Things prepared for you all but you all keep it in hostel.
Things should have prepared individually but you all keep on asking us to prepare.
Human, wake up please. K.U n P.K.U are still human being but not made of STEEL. =)

4sss~!

2014 ---- Be a Better MAN =)

2014.
New year. New Semester for me.
No more Ketua Unit for me. I'm just a training teacher =)
Somehow, I hope to be the Leader of the PJ unit but i don't wanna take all the chances and mess myself up.
I know i wasn't that good temper to coordinate with others. I easily tense up.
So, I make myself easier life. I'll be an assistance for him.
I wasn't means that i'll never give a helping hand after this but i just getting less involve.
I hope they will learn something instead of depending on others to complete everything for them.
Yet, I hope myself will control the bad attitude to be a better man.
I hope I won't get frustrated on them anymore.
Life never easy. Life never hard. Life is mine.
I want to be the LIFE =)