and now....

2013 =]
reopen school....
day pass one by one...
i feel so empty inside my heart...
listening to them telling me who texted who to go ipoh...
asking them to go down for this and that...
n me ?
haha...
forget about it...
everything doesn't seem to be what I think it should be...
where are them?
when can we meet ?
Why?
why fate just giving me a chance and keep it back at the last minute everytime?
it is so tired when everytime having those excited feel and turn it up into dissapointed  xC!!!
telling myself agn and agn...
every thing is just ok to me...
but i didn't...
it is so tough to make it....
and soon the tears rolling inside my heart =']
sorry guys....
i'm little to you all but trust me...
i'm trying to make myself better to treat u all =')
give me some timesssss....
4sss..

...Dot...

It isn't make sense when u walking around that.
I can't feel myself doing thing after all.
I'm feeling nothing there.
I doubt myself for a lot of times.
I doubt myself on doing everything.
I'm asking myself.
what had i done...
I did to get myself back but i'm sorry.
I duno what to talk to you all.
especially my camp babies.
I didn't know what to talk to you all.
I asked myself this everytime when i looking at my phone.
I didn't know what to talk to you all.
I hesitate for more than twice only i get to know what i have to reply.
I felt empty...
this time i doubt myself when being a facis.
I did everything and feel so wrong.
The camp eve, i get scolded and i was wrong.
I get doubt by ppl.
talking to the only and 1st time facis from tpg with me to the ipoh and he just acting cool to me on me for the whole journey.
listening to music and act as ignore.
think that everything is right .
FINE.
I knew you'll get a lot ppl like as your look are better than me.

hmmm....
I knew i'm not that good.
that's why i didn't knew what to do anymore.

A dot.
It is the same like me standing there doing nth.
It is same like me not going anywhere.
It is same like me not getting any improvement.
It is same like me not talking to anyone when i'm almost to get out of the range.
and i'm just a dot who can be bother or not =']

I'm feeling of afraid and alone when i'm there to meet u all.
I reli didnt know what to talk with you all.

I feel so strange when hearing what you all talking bout and i can't join in 

It's time to be true and i need to be sincere to u all.
Sorry Kiew.
Sorry M.C.
Sorry Edwin.
Sorry Weng Yue.
Sorry Joey.
Sorry Kevin.
Sorry Eric.
Sorry to almost everyone who are in ipoh....(hardly to list)
I asked myself everytime when shud i went back to Ipoh.
The answer pop up in my mind was NO.

Fear. 

Afraid. 

Scared. 

Frightening. 

Alone. 

Scary.
This time when I went back, I had take a very brave one.
I decide to back and i decide to be getting myself alert.
I try my best to join into all of you.
But, i feel that i'm so FAIL. Fail, u know ?
Thr is a big gap in between us.
I didnt noe what to say and what can i do.
I have feel so died in myself.
Before that, we are chatting to each other and non-stop.
For now, everything is getting less and less.
If u read this, pls forgive me.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
I reli feeling so bad for those days after all.
I can't bear myself from hiding all of this anymore.
Sorry. what can i said again is just sorry.
I didn't mean to be hurting.
I'm just need want someone to listen to me badly.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

4.

What's going next?

A T T I T U D E
Since

 [ A = 1, D = 4, E = 5, I = 9, T = 20, U = 21]

Then,
It is 100 %

So, where is mine?
I had it.
But where is it now?
Why am I scared ?
What am I doing?
What's wrong with it?
What going into my mind now?
What is going to come next in my life?

If you not feeling to friend with me,
just tell me, don't ever wear a mask.

If you don't feel to text with me,
just tell me, don't let me be silly.

If you don't believe me,
just tell me, i'll pay you with trust.

If you are not confidence with me,
just tell me, i'll bring you my work.

If you feel i'm stubborn,
Please compare yourself to others.

If you feel i'm silly,
Please compare yourself with your own reaction.

If you feel i'm hot temped,
Please just leave me.
Because i had been 2 years not crying out loud.
I can't bear my tension.
I don't want you to get hurt.
No one is the one for me to secret.
no one.
there is no one.
Sorry.

It is hard to build up trust on friends after you realise you had been lied once or more =]
Think back what had you done.
everything is hurt =O

Lost and gain

gain yourself trust.
build it up and never let it be spoiled.
you'll hate yourself when you destroy it.
you'll lost fren when you did it.
never lost it =]

it had been 2 years...
i forgot how could i react to it.
I can't even rmb it.
pls.
i just want once again.

friFenAdsDhiEpS~~!

What bring us to be this long?
What bring us to be in a friendship?
By the way,

What the situation now?
The ship is going to the shore?
The ship is going to sank?
The ship is no longer navigate ?

I didn't know what can I say to it anymore.
Yet, complicated.
I didn't know what to be and what to do.
I only know I'm like a stranger in this world now.
I can't get into the title.
I can't comment a little things.
I can't talk like a friend with some of you.

Beside love, there is still love.
She started her relationship and what I could see is...
boy as me, not that close to her BF gang will started to be ignore.
*feel that pain and hold the tears up.
I pretend to be nothing.
Instead of getting into trouble and end up the friendship.
I choose to be the most common friend who she might remember or not...
I can't comment to it as this is her love, her future.
that is no offence. I need to leave her time =]

Despite,
I should know different class will lead to different gang too.
Now I really feel that.=]
girl
You made me to feel that so much.
We doesn't worth that much to be friends.
Now, you had started to change too.
*roll....
It's only time lead it and we will never back to it?
either there is a chance =')

fades~ 

It's time to be mature =]

Maybe this title is quite weird...
However, it is the one which keep flow in my mind. =]

It's my time to blog here again.
Everytime I open it, there is sadness more than happiness as usual.
I was so stupid.
Why I choose those event for myself?
I am so regret for now.
I could beat them and get three gold medal for myself.
Why? What happen to myself?!
I lost every event i had chosen and lost my OLAHRAGAWAN !
Damn. This is what I should get for my last year in this school?
=C I can't accept it. I want myself to be a role model for my team.
I failed! I'm not a real good leader.
Why? Why everytime I will fail for anything that I had prepared for a long time?!
Why must be the success be taken away?
='C 

Friends? Strangers? Gaps? OR Wall?
What  make me so happy for these few months?
What make me so nice for this half year?
What will bring me down from the peak of happiness?? =']
Maybe, I should say I'm not that perfect at all.
Friends, I always feel so hard to join in the title of you all.
I couldn't get into what you all talking.
I felt that I will crush anything which is actually nice & good at first.
I felt there is a big gap with me.
I couldn't get with you all.
I can feel the ignorance from you all for quite a numbers.

what bring me to that?
I try to bring away the gap and get myself to be more closer to you all.
However, I can''t. I failed and failed and failed.
until now, I can really see who is real & who is not.
It's time to leave them to the real one & be the REAL one to those who really need you. =']
To earn friends, give sincere.
To earn respect, give trust.
To earn happy, give smile.
To earn trust, honest & sincere.
Never lie, Never fool & Never suspect ="]

It's time to be mature.
It's time to keep everything a side and bring myself to the peak of the mountain.
It's time to fight for my own glory.
It's time to let go.
It's time to be independent.
It's time to Make A Difference.
It's time to be my real friend? Build trust & sincere =]
That's the way ! 

So Li Tu De

Most of the people don't like this feeling.
i'm the one of them.
I don't like.
i want accompany with relax =]