Are you?

To be or not to be.
I'm no longer that one to be =]
you are not here to do anything.
You can't be there to choose anymore.
Possibility of you to choose or not....
you are no longer having any choices there.
I'm here to join.
but being left out.
there is no longer anything to let you stay inside.
what you needed to do is ?
LEAVE? STAY?
Because of you?
NOPE!
no one will pity of you.
I'm not
I wasn't be that.
what you need is just leave and be one =]
Being in this group?
Why suffer to be that?
why needed to be that?
out of title? out of the group?
What you need?
Why make life getting tougher and harder?
Aren't you?
why make yourself so much stuff to think of?
why make yourself so annoy?
Why make yourself to be temper?
You don't need..
FLOW... =]

Trying hard to join into them.
What is the purpose?
Being kick out @ foul out by them?
I never feel good of that.
Ignorance by people doesn't make a people feel better.
By the way, how ? =]
You never know them anymore.
REMEMBER.
When a group of people hate you, you are no longer to change their mind anymore =]
Changing a person's lens to see how you behave isn't a easy job.
It's takes a period of time to build it up, but end up within a minutes.
Sincere, truth, honest.
Brought me into nothing.

Getting red card from group of people.
One by One.
It is how

you only knEw...

This feeling is sucks.
Predicting everything will be alright but it getting worst and worst.
Why?
Why is it?
anyone please tell me why?

Hoping everything is fine.
Hoping everything is smooth.
Hoping everything is done.
Hoping everything is okay.
BUT
I'm wrong!

Wishing. Praying. Hoping.
will only
Bringing. Getting. Giving.
a  disappointed.

Come on...
You Only Live Once!
Jive yourself up.
Where are you?
Why are you here?
How is everything go?
And finally...
When will you DECIDE your choice? =']

STAY @ LEAVE?
You stay for study or stay for group?
It's tough for you to being a K.U...
You doesn't the material to lead a big group.
You doesn't mean for everything.
You are still the little & tiny one.
But you did your best.
You are here to study for your future not them.
You are here to be not to do.

You leave because of friend or because of study?
It's better to leave and feel comfortable but don't you think you are escaping?
You only need time right?
yet, you didn't know where to start.
You just wan to lay down in the middle of the field and relax.
Sorry friends.
I doesn't want you all to worry me after these.

I'm alright.
I'm fine.
I'm okay.
I'm tough.
I'm strong.
I'm real.
I'm origin.
I'm nothing.
I'm considering it again & again. :')

*heavy heart*

Decision?

Why am I here so busy?
Why am I doing all stuff for them?
Why am I completing every stuff one by one?
Why am I here to study?
Is this suitable for me?
Should I consider again and again?
Should I give up?
Should I put down everything single stuff?

I feel to study.
I feel to do every works.
I feel to finish every stuff.
I don't want to be the last one.
I don't want to be empty.
I don't want to be the useless.
I don't want to give up.

In a big group,
I don't want to give up.
I don't want to emo.
I don't want to disappoint.
I don't want to hurt anyone.
I don't want to be alone so I do my best to join you all.
I try it again, again and again.
I don't want to lose any friends.
Gather up together doesn't easy.
Breaking up can be easy.

Sorry.
I don't know which is the right decision but I should have try this once.
I'm not in this group and the group might be better.
Leaving this group can help something then i'll do it.
So, we'll prove it out.
I don't want you all to worry so I decided to leave for a while.

I didn't know what can be real.
I didn't know what can be fake.
I only feel i'm not belong to.

Sorry Ching. Sorry Michael. Sorry Chan. Sorry Ming Shen. Sorry Anna. Sorry Juccy. Sorry Michelle. Sorry if my decision is wrong.
Btw, I'm not suit.

All the best to you all okay? =']

am i noob ?

Finally,

you have started it.
you make it to be difficult...
friendship of us wasn't that strong anymore =]
you let it to be weak like a string. A simple pull will make it break!
Like how you treat me as stranger ?

not replying... look me as stranger...turn away when saw...
Well. should i be the silly one anymore? =]
texting you time by time yet you not replying although you went back.
smiling to you yet you turn away and act like stranger.
hmmm...
Time? it faded everything?
The journey of the ship reach the jetty ?
haha~!
i didn't know... let the answer hold it in your hands...
you'll never knew how close we are actually because you never knew the back of the story...=]
Hope you will concern about it ...
Take no respond into take care of ppl waiting answer...
4ss~!

and now....

2013 =]
reopen school....
day pass one by one...
i feel so empty inside my heart...
listening to them telling me who texted who to go ipoh...
asking them to go down for this and that...
n me ?
haha...
forget about it...
everything doesn't seem to be what I think it should be...
where are them?
when can we meet ?
Why?
why fate just giving me a chance and keep it back at the last minute everytime?
it is so tired when everytime having those excited feel and turn it up into dissapointed  xC!!!
telling myself agn and agn...
every thing is just ok to me...
but i didn't...
it is so tough to make it....
and soon the tears rolling inside my heart =']
sorry guys....
i'm little to you all but trust me...
i'm trying to make myself better to treat u all =')
give me some timesssss....
4sss..

...Dot...

It isn't make sense when u walking around that.
I can't feel myself doing thing after all.
I'm feeling nothing there.
I doubt myself for a lot of times.
I doubt myself on doing everything.
I'm asking myself.
what had i done...
I did to get myself back but i'm sorry.
I duno what to talk to you all.
especially my camp babies.
I didn't know what to talk to you all.
I asked myself this everytime when i looking at my phone.
I didn't know what to talk to you all.
I hesitate for more than twice only i get to know what i have to reply.
I felt empty...
this time i doubt myself when being a facis.
I did everything and feel so wrong.
The camp eve, i get scolded and i was wrong.
I get doubt by ppl.
talking to the only and 1st time facis from tpg with me to the ipoh and he just acting cool to me on me for the whole journey.
listening to music and act as ignore.
think that everything is right .
FINE.
I knew you'll get a lot ppl like as your look are better than me.

hmmm....
I knew i'm not that good.
that's why i didn't knew what to do anymore.

A dot.
It is the same like me standing there doing nth.
It is same like me not going anywhere.
It is same like me not getting any improvement.
It is same like me not talking to anyone when i'm almost to get out of the range.
and i'm just a dot who can be bother or not =']

I'm feeling of afraid and alone when i'm there to meet u all.
I reli didnt know what to talk with you all.

I feel so strange when hearing what you all talking bout and i can't join in 

It's time to be true and i need to be sincere to u all.
Sorry Kiew.
Sorry M.C.
Sorry Edwin.
Sorry Weng Yue.
Sorry Joey.
Sorry Kevin.
Sorry Eric.
Sorry to almost everyone who are in ipoh....(hardly to list)
I asked myself everytime when shud i went back to Ipoh.
The answer pop up in my mind was NO.

Fear. 

Afraid. 

Scared. 

Frightening. 

Alone. 

Scary.
This time when I went back, I had take a very brave one.
I decide to back and i decide to be getting myself alert.
I try my best to join into all of you.
But, i feel that i'm so FAIL. Fail, u know ?
Thr is a big gap in between us.
I didnt noe what to say and what can i do.
I have feel so died in myself.
Before that, we are chatting to each other and non-stop.
For now, everything is getting less and less.
If u read this, pls forgive me.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
I reli feeling so bad for those days after all.
I can't bear myself from hiding all of this anymore.
Sorry. what can i said again is just sorry.
I didn't mean to be hurting.
I'm just need want someone to listen to me badly.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

4.

What's going next?

A T T I T U D E
Since

 [ A = 1, D = 4, E = 5, I = 9, T = 20, U = 21]

Then,
It is 100 %

So, where is mine?
I had it.
But where is it now?
Why am I scared ?
What am I doing?
What's wrong with it?
What going into my mind now?
What is going to come next in my life?

If you not feeling to friend with me,
just tell me, don't ever wear a mask.

If you don't feel to text with me,
just tell me, don't let me be silly.

If you don't believe me,
just tell me, i'll pay you with trust.

If you are not confidence with me,
just tell me, i'll bring you my work.

If you feel i'm stubborn,
Please compare yourself to others.

If you feel i'm silly,
Please compare yourself with your own reaction.

If you feel i'm hot temped,
Please just leave me.
Because i had been 2 years not crying out loud.
I can't bear my tension.
I don't want you to get hurt.
No one is the one for me to secret.
no one.
there is no one.
Sorry.

It is hard to build up trust on friends after you realise you had been lied once or more =]
Think back what had you done.
everything is hurt =O