...Dot...

It isn't make sense when u walking around that.
I can't feel myself doing thing after all.
I'm feeling nothing there.
I doubt myself for a lot of times.
I doubt myself on doing everything.
I'm asking myself.
what had i done...
I did to get myself back but i'm sorry.
I duno what to talk to you all.
especially my camp babies.
I didn't know what to talk to you all.
I asked myself this everytime when i looking at my phone.
I didn't know what to talk to you all.
I hesitate for more than twice only i get to know what i have to reply.
I felt empty...
this time i doubt myself when being a facis.
I did everything and feel so wrong.
The camp eve, i get scolded and i was wrong.
I get doubt by ppl.
talking to the only and 1st time facis from tpg with me to the ipoh and he just acting cool to me on me for the whole journey.
listening to music and act as ignore.
think that everything is right .
FINE.
I knew you'll get a lot ppl like as your look are better than me.

hmmm....
I knew i'm not that good.
that's why i didn't knew what to do anymore.

A dot.
It is the same like me standing there doing nth.
It is same like me not going anywhere.
It is same like me not getting any improvement.
It is same like me not talking to anyone when i'm almost to get out of the range.
and i'm just a dot who can be bother or not =']

I'm feeling of afraid and alone when i'm there to meet u all.
I reli didnt know what to talk with you all.

I feel so strange when hearing what you all talking bout and i can't join in 

It's time to be true and i need to be sincere to u all.
Sorry Kiew.
Sorry M.C.
Sorry Edwin.
Sorry Weng Yue.
Sorry Joey.
Sorry Kevin.
Sorry Eric.
Sorry to almost everyone who are in ipoh....(hardly to list)
I asked myself everytime when shud i went back to Ipoh.
The answer pop up in my mind was NO.

Fear. 

Afraid. 

Scared. 

Frightening. 

Alone. 

Scary.
This time when I went back, I had take a very brave one.
I decide to back and i decide to be getting myself alert.
I try my best to join into all of you.
But, i feel that i'm so FAIL. Fail, u know ?
Thr is a big gap in between us.
I didnt noe what to say and what can i do.
I have feel so died in myself.
Before that, we are chatting to each other and non-stop.
For now, everything is getting less and less.
If u read this, pls forgive me.
I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
I reli feeling so bad for those days after all.
I can't bear myself from hiding all of this anymore.
Sorry. what can i said again is just sorry.
I didn't mean to be hurting.
I'm just need want someone to listen to me badly.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

4.

What's going next?

A T T I T U D E
Since

 [ A = 1, D = 4, E = 5, I = 9, T = 20, U = 21]

Then,
It is 100 %

So, where is mine?
I had it.
But where is it now?
Why am I scared ?
What am I doing?
What's wrong with it?
What going into my mind now?
What is going to come next in my life?

If you not feeling to friend with me,
just tell me, don't ever wear a mask.

If you don't feel to text with me,
just tell me, don't let me be silly.

If you don't believe me,
just tell me, i'll pay you with trust.

If you are not confidence with me,
just tell me, i'll bring you my work.

If you feel i'm stubborn,
Please compare yourself to others.

If you feel i'm silly,
Please compare yourself with your own reaction.

If you feel i'm hot temped,
Please just leave me.
Because i had been 2 years not crying out loud.
I can't bear my tension.
I don't want you to get hurt.
No one is the one for me to secret.
no one.
there is no one.
Sorry.

It is hard to build up trust on friends after you realise you had been lied once or more =]
Think back what had you done.
everything is hurt =O

Lost and gain

gain yourself trust.
build it up and never let it be spoiled.
you'll hate yourself when you destroy it.
you'll lost fren when you did it.
never lost it =]

it had been 2 years...
i forgot how could i react to it.
I can't even rmb it.
pls.
i just want once again.

friFenAdsDhiEpS~~!

What bring us to be this long?
What bring us to be in a friendship?
By the way,

What the situation now?
The ship is going to the shore?
The ship is going to sank?
The ship is no longer navigate ?

I didn't know what can I say to it anymore.
Yet, complicated.
I didn't know what to be and what to do.
I only know I'm like a stranger in this world now.
I can't get into the title.
I can't comment a little things.
I can't talk like a friend with some of you.

Beside love, there is still love.
She started her relationship and what I could see is...
boy as me, not that close to her BF gang will started to be ignore.
*feel that pain and hold the tears up.
I pretend to be nothing.
Instead of getting into trouble and end up the friendship.
I choose to be the most common friend who she might remember or not...
I can't comment to it as this is her love, her future.
that is no offence. I need to leave her time =]

Despite,
I should know different class will lead to different gang too.
Now I really feel that.=]
girl
You made me to feel that so much.
We doesn't worth that much to be friends.
Now, you had started to change too.
*roll....
It's only time lead it and we will never back to it?
either there is a chance =')

fades~ 

It's time to be mature =]

Maybe this title is quite weird...
However, it is the one which keep flow in my mind. =]

It's my time to blog here again.
Everytime I open it, there is sadness more than happiness as usual.
I was so stupid.
Why I choose those event for myself?
I am so regret for now.
I could beat them and get three gold medal for myself.
Why? What happen to myself?!
I lost every event i had chosen and lost my OLAHRAGAWAN !
Damn. This is what I should get for my last year in this school?
=C I can't accept it. I want myself to be a role model for my team.
I failed! I'm not a real good leader.
Why? Why everytime I will fail for anything that I had prepared for a long time?!
Why must be the success be taken away?
='C 

Friends? Strangers? Gaps? OR Wall?
What  make me so happy for these few months?
What make me so nice for this half year?
What will bring me down from the peak of happiness?? =']
Maybe, I should say I'm not that perfect at all.
Friends, I always feel so hard to join in the title of you all.
I couldn't get into what you all talking.
I felt that I will crush anything which is actually nice & good at first.
I felt there is a big gap with me.
I couldn't get with you all.
I can feel the ignorance from you all for quite a numbers.

what bring me to that?
I try to bring away the gap and get myself to be more closer to you all.
However, I can''t. I failed and failed and failed.
until now, I can really see who is real & who is not.
It's time to leave them to the real one & be the REAL one to those who really need you. =']
To earn friends, give sincere.
To earn respect, give trust.
To earn happy, give smile.
To earn trust, honest & sincere.
Never lie, Never fool & Never suspect ="]

It's time to be mature.
It's time to keep everything a side and bring myself to the peak of the mountain.
It's time to fight for my own glory.
It's time to let go.
It's time to be independent.
It's time to Make A Difference.
It's time to be my real friend? Build trust & sincere =]
That's the way ! 

So Li Tu De

Most of the people don't like this feeling.
i'm the one of them.
I don't like.
i want accompany with relax =]

她长大了...

你变了。
你变得不再像以前那样了。
你不再像以前那样叫我了。
不再像以前那么开朗了。

这一切，我错了吗？
是我多心吗？
是我过分管你？
是我太关心你？
是我多事？
也许，这些都是。


曾经，
我们可以比任何人都要好。
曾经，
我们可以一个话题聊一天。
曾经，
我们可以互相骂彼此。
曾经，
我们可以玩的很疯狂。
这一切，都已是过去。

直到那一天，
原来，我是最傻的。
原来，我是最笨的。
原来，我是多余的。

你不再需要我的关心。
你只需要一群你想的朋友。

你不再需要我的奖励。
你只需要一个肯定。

你不再需要我的陪伴。
你只需要自己的时间忙碌。

你不再需要我的笑话。
你只需要我不再烦你。

你不再需要我的出现。
你长大了。=']

是我太关心你。
是我太在意你。
是我太了解你。
是我太照顾你。
是时候了吗？ ='0
嗯，她长大了。她的坚强代表了很多。=']
Sorry, I gotta. I should have leave you as what you want to be.
I'm invisible starting a long time. =']

*TEARS END UP*

me.me.me

Now, what is going on here?
actually, you'll be asking why am I getting that stress.
no doubt. exam is around the corner.
homework is like mountain here.
And I don't even finish study everything yet.
So, what the fuck that having so much stuff to bother about?!

What? What GenY camp?
camp then camp la. I know I didn't go for the activities twice.
So, that's the reason that cut off my name??
kay?! fine!!!
I'm being doubt!
I'm not that good as her !
I'm useless. I didn't know what's the effort for doing that much on camp during last year
& wasting all my time for it.
Now, I'm out of the list !
You cancel off my name!
I couldn't be that !
I'm not a real leader of TPG.
Doubt!!!!!!
I hate this !

you all doubt me !
doubt as much as you like!
get your own real tpg camper.

Bringing along all the rich ppl to an underprivillaged camp !
USELESS one! You didn't know how hard to earn all those money !

Behind the scene.

Finally, I'm seriously out of my own mind.
I can't hold it that much anymore.
Laughing.
Joking.
Studying.
Trying to be in the gang.
Har! I'm not that brilliant actually.
I asked myself once.
Why am I in this class? Why I'm not in Sc4?
I asked myself again in that night.
I felt so tension. I'm stressed actually.
I can't hold my tears in that night.
So, I cried it out quietly alone in the night.

I tried my best to study the most I could.
I was expecting mt result would be that good for me to get in to the TOP20.
however, I'm wrong.
I'm only in 35.
hahahaha... What a real sarcasm to me.
The 1st time I got my 6A among these 11 subjects.
I'm totally mad...
I'm wondering what wrong's with me.
Why are they so fantastic?
Why I just can't get the same result like them?
I knew I disappointed my parents again.
I just can't get the best in their heart.
They didn't expect to see this kind of result.
I'm not that clever compare to my sister & brother.
I was thinking...
As if i'm at Sc4 , maybe me i'm in the top10 now.
I'm mad.

please told me everything was not bad to me.
I'm trying to get into the LMS team but I lost.
I was deeply hurt with that when I knew that i'm not qualified for that.
Why?
I'm just not in the target.
ya.
So? I'm just lost in one event.
Others, I still can be leading.
Why?
Now, I'm just like nothing.
I just hoping that i could get into the game.
The best I tried, but I had lost.
hmmm?
no, no one knew all these.
It's only a secret in my heart.
No one that I could face and told out.
I hope there is but no one will be.
I never wanted one of them to knew it and sad for that except they had knew that much and asked.
The moment you being alone, you'll never what had happen =)

Be tough of what really mean.

What was the 1st hit on me when i'm really depress?
Crying in the middle of night?
Listening to music and dance?
Having athlete training?
No. I can't release them out.
Don't ask me why.
sometime, you just can't tell it out to those who are around you.
you just want them to reassure you more than worry.
you just smile for the day.
you just be happy for the day.
You just try to forget what really make more worry.

By the way,
I don't remember when was the day that i let go.
I don't remember who were they listen to me.
I don't remember what can help me.

the feeling ...
when you saw the photo.
when you heard that your friend dislike you.
when you know your out.
when you fail to get to target.

Sorry for everything, my friends.
You all never know a smile is how important.
I just know I'm dump!

I will be the strongest !

What actually affect human being the most?
No one can conclude on this.
Everyone has it own starting point and ending point =]

So far so good.
I know this time will be the last time for me to stand on this stage.
I take so much training to get into this competition and now, there is another two get in.
So, they are going to participate with me...
yea... The reason is they are good although no training ...
The moment I heard this, I was like LOL !!!!
And I knew that I lost it my silver medal last.
Fine. It's okay !
I'll be the most shine in front of you this time.
I'll let you know who is the strongest this time, teacher!
I'm not fake! I'm the only one who should deserve this !
I'll break every single record at last time...
I mean it when i say it .
Now, I'll be there right back on my own style, own opportunity and my own hardworking !
I believe this will be the only for you to think that i'm different =D
110 hurdles

400m

1500m
javelin -- 38m
shot put -- 10m

long jump -- 5.4m
high jump -- 160m
I'm ready to GOld!

SPIRIT * COMMITMENT * HARDWORKING

go for my 2nd blog =]

http://leekahwei.tumblr.com/